Ditch Read online

  Beth Steel

  Ditch

  Methuen Drama

  Table of Contents

  Act One

  Scene One

  Scene Two

  Scene Three

  Scene Four

  Scene Five

  Scene Six

  Scene Seven

  Scene Eight

  Act Two

  Scene One

  Scene Two

  Scene Three

  Scene Four

  Scene Five

  Scene Six

  Scene Seven

  Scene Eight

  Ditch

  For Mum and Dad

  Setting

  The Peak District. The future.

  Characters

  Both the women and men appear older than their given ages, due to labour in harsh weather and lost years.

  Mrs Peel, fifty-eight years old.

  Megan, twenty years old.

  Burns, early fifties.

  Bug, late thirties.

  Turner, late thirties.

  James, twenty years old.

  Production note

  The entire stage is to be covered thickly in barren peat. The peat should rise around the perimeter of the stage to create a shallow ditch where the action takes place. The peat is there to be interacted with, which is to say, as the characters rise and fall they will be covered in dirt.

  Act One

  Scene One

  A remote farm, now a Security outpost in the Peak District. Plot of land. Early evening, the light is fading fast. The guttural croak of a raven overhead. Dogs bark.

  Turner (Off stage.) Woo-Hoo!

  Turner runs out followed by James.

  Turner (Hollers out.) You jammy cunt! He gonna be gloatin’ all night.

  James Where’s he takin’ her?

  Turner Putting her in that outbuildin’ over there. I been one ahead, now she makes us even.

  James You keep a score?

  Turner Aint as if it’s every day yer getting’ one. That’s the first Illegal we picked up in six weeks.

  James What a’ you doin’ the rest a’ the time?

  Turner Tuggin’ our dicks. Out lookin’ for the next ones s’what we doin’.

  Turner takes out his flask, belts back a drink.

  Most a’ the time me and Bug over there a’ out patrollin’ together. But I’ll have you with me for a few days, train you up and then you can go out with Burns.

  James Been given a letter for him.

  Turner Letter? How’d you get it?

  James Headquarters in Manchester.

  Turner You got it with yer now?

  James nods.

  Turner Let me have a look at it.

  James It sealed.

  Turner Aint gonna open it.

  James S’what you want it for?

  Turner Just give me the fuckin’ letter.

  James produces the letter. Turner snatches looks at the envelope.

  Turner Shit.

  James What?

  Turner Can’t tell what’s in it.

  Turner gives the envelope to James.

  Turner Burns’s boy, Brian, been deployed three year ago.

  James Thinkin’ he dead?

  Turner Probably says he comin’ back, now that we got the strong hold over there.

  Bug enters jauntily.

  Bug What’d you say to that then?

  Turner Yeah, alright. This here is big useless Greg.

  James and Bug shake hands.

  Bug Bug.

  James James.

  Bug A we glad to see you.

  James Glad to be here.

  Bug They gettin’ younger or we older?

  Turner Good to see ’em signin’ up.

  Bug They been sayin’ they gonna send us more men for two months.

  James Well I’m just the one.

  Bug It’s somethin’.

  Turner Things a’ lookin’ up.

  Bug What time you get here?

  Turner About an hour ago.

  Bug Alright, aint it?

  James Glad to be here.

  Bug Where you been posted before?

  James London.

  Bug (Laughs.) I bet yer fuckin’ are.

  Turner (Laughs.) What a shit hole eh?

  Turner and Bug are now quiet.

  Bug It the way they say?

  James I guess.

  Bug You ain’t sure?

  James Never knowed what it like before.

  Turner London’s finished.

  Bug No sign a’ Recovery there?

  Turner What’s it matter?

  Bug Bein’ London an’ all.

  Turner Manchester’s where it’s at now.

  Bug Yeah, I know.

  Turner Been improvements there.

  Bug Just askin’.

  Turner Where’d you pick her up?

  Bug About twenty mile from the Sheffield border.

  Turner She have a bag with her?

  Bug Nothin’.

  Turner You pick up a woman with no bag, means she up the spout.

  James You get many that way?

  Turner More than you’d think.

  Bug Them rods in ’em aint guaranteed.

  Turner Dint show up at a clinic or ripped ’em out.

  James Where’s she go from here?

  Bug Take her to the train station.

  Turner Same you got off earlier.

  Bug Burns back?

  Turner Nah, better be back here soon, I’m champin’ at the bit for tonight.

  Bug Now we got two things to celebrate.

  Turner You comparin’ seizin’ a knocked-up Illegal to seizin’ a pipeline?

  Bug sheepishly shakes his head.

  Turner Tonight’s about the man that had the bollocks to go over there, and had the bollocks to fight. (Raises his flask.) We celebratin’ the King’s bollocks.

  Turner and Bug belt one back.

  James Where we goin’?

  Bug When?

  James Tonight? To celebrate.

  Turner and Bug laugh.

  Turner Aint goin’ nowhere. This here. (Stops laughing.) This is your world. Entire. Sky.

  Bug Mountains.

  Turner Moors.

  Bug Bogs.

  Turner Mud.

  Bug Dirt.

  Turner Cuckoo spit.

  Bug Fox piss.

  Turner Dog shit.

  Bug Cow shit.

  Turner Horse shit.

  Bug Stage skunk.

  Turner And fuck all else.

  Burns enters.

  Turner (To Bug.) He’s thinkin’ about how he can laid already.

  Burns Welcome to the Peak.

  Burns and James shake hands.

  Burns Burns.

  James James.

  Burns Just got in?

  James Bout an hour ago.

  Burns How was the train up here?

  James Took a while.

  Burns Been some time since I travelled about.

  Burns What’s it lookin’ like?

  James What d’you mean?

  Burns See any construction work goin’ on?

  Bug She in the outbuildin’.

  James Can’t say I did.

  Burns Buildin’ a homes?

  James shakes his head.

  Turner He only been sat on a train.

  Burns Repairin’ a’ roads?

  James shakes his head.

  Turner Arterial roads have been fixed.

  Burns Nothin’ like that?

  James shakes his head.

  Burns No sign a’ Recovery then?

  Turner Priorities s’what they been doin’.

  Burns Thought the Recovery was one.

  Beat.

  Bug I got an Illegal.

  Burns Wasn’t expectin’
yer till tomorrow.

  James When I got inta Manchester there been a freight leavin’ early, so I took that.

  Burns Been over to Headquarters whilst you there.

  James Been given a letter for yer.

  Burns Letter? What kind a’ letter?

  James produces the letter. Burns takes it and reads the envelope.

  James steps away. Turner nods at Bug for them to give Burns some space. Burns opens the envelope and reads the letter. Pause. He laughs. The men turn round.

  Burns I been put in charge.

  Bug and James happily step forwards. Turner stays where he is with a face like a smacked arse.

  Bug (Pats back.) Congratulations.

  James (Shakes hand.) Congratulations.

  Turner What’s it say?

  Burns You can read it later.

  Turner Like to read it now.

  Burns It goin’ up on the kitchen wall.

  Mrs Peel enters.

  Mrs Peel She’s pregnant and she far gone.

  Bug She aint showin’. You checked?

  Mrs Peel She as wide as a river in spate.

  Bug (Grins.) Nothin’ worse.

  Mrs Peel When yer boat aint big enough.

  Mrs Peel leaves.

  Burns There’s a train leavin’ at eleven. (To Bug.) You’ll just about make it.

  Turner We celebratin’ tonight.

  Burns Next trains not for a week.

  Turner What difference does it make?

  Burns No need to drag this thing out.

  Turner Aint as if she gonna drop it in a week.

  Burns Best she goes now.

  Turner He aint gonna get back here till gone three.

  Burns Put her on a horse too.

  Turner I say we vote on it.

  Burns I say what goes on around here now.

  Bug nods, Turner nods grudgingly. Burns leaves.

  Bug He just pissed all over my strawberries.

  Bug leaves. Turner and James watch him go.

  Turner There’s no way Stevens would a’ done that.

  James Who’s Stevens?

  Turner He the boss round here.

  James Where’d he go?

  Turner Venezuela, with the rest a’ ’em. There been eight a’ us here to start with.

  Turner walks off in the opposite direction to Bug.

  Turner (Stops.) You comin’? (Storms off.) We got a war victory to celebrate.

  James leaves.

  Scene Two

  Kitchen. Afternoon.

  Megan has mopped the floor, she now rings out the mop. James enters stops as he sees the wet floor between the two of them.

  James Mornin’.

  Megan spins round.

  Megan Mornin’.

  James Guess I can’t come in here.

  They look at the floor . . .

  James How long it gonna take to dry?

  Megan Five minutes.

  James Five?

  Megan Three, maybe.

  James Hard to be exact.

  Megan It tricky to judge.

  James I bet.

  They look at each other . . .

  James Come back in five then.

  James makes to leave.

  Megan Bound to be three by now.

  James Don’t seem worth goin’.

  Megan Just to come back again.

  Beat.

  Megan You could wait here?

  James I’m not botherin’ you?

  Megan I just finished. Well . . . almost.

  Megan’s eyes narrow on a supposed blemish on the floor.

  Megan Missed a bit.

  Megan takes steps forwards with the mop.

  James It’s Megan?

  Megan abandons the idea of mopping.

  Megan Yeah.

  They move towards one another almost imperceptibly.

  James I’m –

  Megan James.

  James Yeah.

  They smile, look down at the floor and edge back again in embarrassment.

  Megan What you come here for?

  James Boilin’ water. Thought I’d have a shave.

  Megan When’s your birthday?

  James Twelfth a’ April.

  Megan Just passed.

  James nods.

  Megan Shame.

  James Why’s that?

  Megan You get a bath on your birthday. I had mine too, tenth a’ January.

  Beat.

  Megan I spent the whole evenin’ in mine. Must a’ been in it for five hours. Mrs Peel kept bringin’ me more hot water each time it went cold and by the end a’ it the bath was so full it covered every inch a’ me. Then I did somethin’ I never done before, to make it special. I opened my eyes in the water, like I was swimmin’. And then, at the very end, I put a jug a’ milk in it. (Shrugs.) Made my tits soft.

  Mrs Peel enters. She glares at them.

  Megan He just waitin’ for the floor to dry.

  Mrs Peel Looks bone dry to me.

  Megan I’ll put that pan a’ water on.

  James I’ll come back later.

  James makes to leave.

  Mrs Peel Before you do I’m gonna say a few things about the handlin’ a this place that we women see too. Burns may a’ told you some a’ this already but I’m gonna say it anyway. Cause I like to tell it and Megan here, she like to hear it.

  First off. We got plenty to do around here. There aint no idle time for me and her till I give it, aint that right Megan?

  Megan nods.

  Mrs Peel We got livestock to see to, cleanin’ to be done, and meals to be made. You get your breakfast, one cup a’ coffee and the pleasure a’ me in here at eight. You campin’ out and need some food with yer, you come to me about it. Otherwise you get your dinner in here at seven at and it’ll be served by me. You like deer?

  James opens his mouth to speak . . .

  Mrs Peel Cause it’s gonna come fried, boiled, smoked, roasted, dried, burnt and raw. (Lowers her gaze to his groin.) Every a’ inch a’ it too. I don’t do requests or suggestions, come dinner you get what you get. Same as outside we get toiletry supplies once a month. I recommend you use two sheets a’ paper for a piss and three for a shit. We don’t grow toilet paper, when it’s gone it’s gone. Any questions?

  Mrs Peel’s eyes narrow onto James frame.

  Mrs Peel You’re gonna need to thicken up for the winter. We feel it out here, gets inta your bones, worth it for the clean air though. I’ll see to it that I skim the butterfat, get plenty of milk in yer.

  James How’d yer get fresh milk?

  Mrs Peel From a cow’s tit.

  James Aint had fresh milk since I been a kid.

  Mrs Peel We set up alright here.

  James You must a’ had a farm or somethin’ before?

  Mrs Peel There’s one more thing for me to tell and I only gonna say it once. I’ve listened to all the stories a’ my generation, then watched ’em get sick or fade away. And it wasn’t this world that killed ’em. It was the other. The memory of it. Now. I’m fifty eight, still standin’, with nothin’ more than a bit a’ ring worm. We don’t talk about the past here.

  Mrs Peel stares at James. James leaves quietly. Megan rushes to the stove.

  Mrs Peel What a’ you doin’?

  Megan He forgot the water.

  Mrs Peel He dint forget. He decided he dint want it after all.

  Mrs Peel glares at Megan. Burns enters.

  Burns Mornin’.

  Mrs Peel Afternoon.

  Burns Suppose it is. We kept yer awake last night?

  Mrs Peel Nothin’ disturbs my beauty sleep.

  Burns Cause us men were goin’ for it.

  Mrs Peel That aint kept me awake yet.

  Burns sits and picks horse shit off his boot, Megan watches it fall to the floor.

  Burns How long for that deer?

  Mrs Peel It aint bled out yet.

  Burns Couple a’ hours?

  Mrs Peel I gotta gut her too.

  Burns Thr
ee yer say?

  Mrs Peel Then I gotta skin her.

  Burns How long?

  Mrs Peel Four, butcherin’s hard work.

  Burns Wanted the boy to have some meat ‘for he goes out.

  Mrs Peel Got some dried arse rashers.

  Burns That the best you can do? Still, better than what everyone else has. Can I get a tea?

  Megan looks up from the floor and prepares the tea.

  Mrs Peel It better, but we could have more.

  Mrs Peel brings out a potato from her apron.

  Mrs Peel (Sniffs with pride.) Now there’s this here tater.

  Burns stands, Megan rushes over, Mrs Peel guards her potato jealously.

  Mrs Peel It early, but it right enough.

  Megan I can smell it.

  Burns I can taste it.

  Megan We gonna roast ’em?

  Burns We havin’ em mashed.

  Megan Mashed taters and deer!

  Burns How many a’ down there?

  Mrs Peel This is it.

  Beat.

  Burns You sown one tater?

  Mrs Peel It the only ‘en to survive.

  Burns and Megan walk away.

  Mrs Peel This here’s, the beginnin’.

  Burns sits down.

  Mrs Peel If I can get one I can get more. That plot a’ land by the stables, that’s the sod I sown this in. That sod would yield a crop.

  Burns We an outpost here, Mrs Peel. Not a farm.

  Mrs Peel Most a’ the works preparin’ the land, but then we’d be set.

  Burns Need a plough to do that.

  Mrs Peel Spades’d do the work of a plough, could get some vegetable plots out a’ it too.

  Burns You and Megan’d be spadin’ for weeks.

  Mrs Peel Can’t wait that long, humidity’ll get em like it done before. If we had some extra hands with us . . .

  Burns I aint puttin’ my men on a shovel.

  Mrs Peel Me and her’d tend to it after that. Barn’s good for storin’ what we’d harvest.

  Burns I aint sayin’ it again.

  Mrs Peel We could be self sufficient, no more tinned rations.

  Burns Answers no.

  Pause. Mrs Peel brings out the potato and rubs it.

  Mrs Peel See how the skin’s comin’ off?

  Burns doesn’t look at Mrs Peel.

  Mrs Peel Skin aint had the chance to set firm.

  Mrs Peel sets the potato on the table before Burns.

  Mrs Peel Means it’s new.

  Turner, worse for wear, and Bug enter.

  Mrs Peel Brand new.

  Burns now looks at the potato.

  Turner I got a head as bad as a bastard. Coffee on?

  Megan Doin’ it now.